By Amanda L. Thompson, PhD, and Shari Langer, PsyD
Amanda Thompson, PhD, is the Chief of Pediatric Psychology and Director of Pediatric Programs for Life with Cancer, a program of the Inova Schar Cancer Institute. Shari Langer, PsyD, is a pediatric psychologist with Life with Cancer at the Inova L.J. Murphy Children’s Hospital. Drs. Thompson and Langer specialize in supporting children, adolescents and families impacted by cancer; however, the information below is applicable to many other serious medical conditions.
A new diagnosis of a serious illness like cancer can have a powerful impact on the entire family. It can bring up many worries, including how to talk to your children about the disease, what is involved in its treatment and how life may change for each member of the household. Some parents may be hesitant to share information, thinking, “My child is too young to understand,” “I don’t want to worry them,” “They need to focus on school,” or “I don’t want to get upset in front of them.”
While all of these concerns are valid and understandable, we also know that honesty and good communication during stressful times helps to reduce children’s worry and fear. In fact, anxiety in children decreases when they are told good-quality information about what is happening to their loved ones. Children notice more than we realize, and if they are not provided with age-appropriate information, they may make up stories about what is going on – and these stories and their fears may be worse than reality.
Communicating can be difficult though, especially when emotions are high and when we are speaking to young children, as they have a different understanding of illness than we do as adults. Consider these helpful strategies when having challenging and important conversations about illness in the family:
Children can experience a wide range of reactions to a parent’s diagnosis of a serious illness like cancer, and many adapt well, especially in an environment of honest, age-appropriate information from supportive loved ones. Some children, however, will experience more significant challenges that impact their daily functioning and will require intervention by mental health providers. If you notice any of the following changes in your child, contact a mental healthcare professional for more support:
If you need help communicating with your child about your diagnosis, or if your child is struggling to adjust, Life with Cancer’s pediatric team is here to help. Life with Cancer provides evidence-based support services to children, adolescents and families impacted by cancer. Based on your child’s unique needs, we offer individual therapy, art therapy, bereavement support, parent consultations, groups, education, resources and other programs – all at no cost.
To request a consultation or access any of our services, or with any questions, please call the Life with Cancer Connect Line at 703-206-5433 or email us at lifewithcancer@inova.org.
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This is greatly needed and well written.